So, the new word on what's wrong with my back is.... scoliosis.
Not sure if it's congenital or functional (muscular) or what, but found out I definitely have a short right leg that's causing about a 3/4 inch drop in height on my right compared to my left leg, which is causing my low back (lumbar) to sway to the right and throw off my mid-/upper-/neck regions.
I'm on my fourth back doctor...and finally the first thing he did was take x-rays. These aren't mine, but mine looked pretty darn similar:
The good news is all my discs look pretty healthy (with the exception of the one being pinched in my iliosacral joint, between my S1 & L5).
Apparently this is what is happening, biomechanically:
My new doctor gave me a heel lift to wear under my right foot (instead of the heel lift my last doctor gave me to wear under my left foot - what a mess). And he said that surgery is far from even necessary for me at this point, so at least that's good news.
I'm hoping that over a year of chronic pain, lop-sided clumsiness, and downing ibuprofen like candy that THIS doctor will finally get to the bottom of what's wrong with me. He says he can. (And if he can't I want a referral to an awesome specialist - this is getting ridiculous & expensive!)
I'll keep you posted.
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